The Trial of Juggernaut
by Dragon Of Ash
Summary: An AU set right before the end of new Excalibur and before the World War Hulk. I loved the depth they gave Juggernaut in the early 2000's: all that stuff with Sammy Pare, new Excalibur, etc.  This is an attempt to keep that depth alive.
1. Chapter 1

The Trial of Juggernaut

Chapter 1  
Suspicion

Alison Blaire couldn't help the grin that seized her as she and her friend TJ walked arm-in-arm along the bustling streets of downtown London. The prospects of a full day out from the Lake House, partying on the town and hanging with the gang seemed like the perfect way to unwind after saving the world (again). They could get to know each other a bit better and have a small shot at some semblance of normalcy. Superheroes in general didn't really do normal very well, she least of all. After all, Brian was the king of an inter-dimensional nexus of realities (and the fact that she was OK with saying that and knew what it meant - sort of - gave a clear indication of how _not_ normal their lives were). She was comfortable with that, really. She had spent of her life avoiding the hero gig and trying for 'normal'. But, when was the life of a rock star ever normal? Even as 'just Dazzler the singer,' weird stuff had followed her wherever she went. For example, she was once the herald of an intergalactic planet-consuming being of omnipotence. Normal went out the window after that. Her other friends (and her deceased husband) were further proof that her life had been rarely, if ever, _normal_: TJ was the daughter of a close friend, and came from an alternate universe that might no longer exist. And, she had blue skin; you couldn't forget the blue skin. Tessa was a living computer, and almost seemed to have as many secrets as Wisdom, the super-secret real-live James Bond super spy of the group.

She sighed and sipped her soda. True to his super-spy roots, Wisdom had begged off their celebrations and stayed back at the Lake House to "keep an eye on things". The man never seemed to relax; he was almost as bad as Scott Summers!

And then, there was Cain. If anyone had told her a year ago that she would have been on a first-name basis with the Juggernaut, and even count him as one of her most trusted friends, she would have called them crazy. Yet, somewhere between Cain begging for an autograph when they first fought five years ago and checking on her in that hospital room a few months back when they were fighting an evil alternate-dimension version of the X-Men run by a Shadow King-possessed Charles Xavier (and how was _that_ for not normal?), she had come to trust and love him as much as she did any of the X-Men.

She looked over her shoulder, pretending to marvel at the sights of Old London, and studied her own real-life BFG. As usual, Cain was hanging in the back of the group, silently marching to his own thoughts. For someone so big, he sure was good at being invisible.

"Hey, TJ, check out the big friendly giant." TJ craned her head over her shoulder. "Don't look!" Her blue friend's eyes filled with compassion and barely masked affection for the former criminal. She had fallen for the lug, and bad. And the only ones who didn't know were Cain and TJ. Maybe it was time she did something about the situation?

Besides, playing matchmaker was so much fun!

"Let's go cheer the lug up." TJ nodded and they casually wound their ways back through the group, grinning as Tessa laughed at something Brian had privately whispered in her ear. He was such a gentleman; the kind of guy that would swoop a girl off her feet like Prince Charming in some fairy tale. Brian had immediately offered Tessa his arm as they stepped out of the building to walk down the streets of Rotherhithe-his right arm, to keep Tessa away from the dust of the roads. It was romantic and chivalrous, without actually being romantic or chivalrous. He wasn't trying to woo Tessa, nor was he trying to be polite. It just happened. He was thoughtlessly thoughtful. Brian really was Prince Charming.

They disengaged as they came to Cain. His eyes seemed dull and muted, like a lost child who didn't know how to find his way home. Again, not something she would have associated with the Juggernaut. "Hey, Cain, why so blue?" Ali grinned and wrapped her arms around his own while TJ followed suit on with the other.

"Yeah, Cain. Blue's my thing." TJ's eyes sparkled at the contact, and her blue cheeks gained a faint lavender hue. Yup, TJ had really fallen for the lug.

Cain's cheeks reddened as well and he stumbled on a microscopic crack. "Aw... uh... just... uh... just thinking about things."

That was really cute: the fearsome Juggernaut, blushing and stammering over two girls holding his hands. He was adorable, really, with those big puppy-dog eyes and that soul-patch on his chin. He looked rough and intimidating to those who didn't know him, like the kind of guy who hurt people a lot. And often. Which, given his history and their job descriptions was pretty true. But, he looked like the kind of guy who had gotten used to the idea that his fists and size could get him anything he wanted. When she looked in his eyes, though... those eyes and that big dopey grin of his made him seem like a big kid. A really big kid. Cain seemed like he was the kind of kid who got into heaps of trouble because he had too much energy and not enough impulse control. The kind of kid who became a 'bad boy': inner heart of goodness surrounded by a tough and calloused exterior that you just _know_ you can crack with enough kind words and soft touches. She had fallen for a lot of bad boys with eyes like that.

"Sammy?" TJ patted his arm softly, her lower lip quivering. _Sammy? Who was Sammy?_

"His birthday's comin' up soon. He woulda been thirteen..." His head sunk lower, almost beneath his shoulders and he sagged in on himself even more. He was setting himself for a real brood-fest, Summers-style, and taking all the world's problems for his own. This was not going well.

"Hey! How about after the movie we go to the mall?" She grinned and squeezed his arm. Sometimes, that worked on a guy.

"Ali, I dunno if retail therapy is right for him."

She sighed and shook her head, undeterred. "He needs to get out of his funk. Take his mind off things." But, maybe TJ was right. Shopping was usually for girls, or gay guys. She squeezed his arm again. "You wanna hit the gym? Go work out. You muscley types like to work out, don't you?"

"Don't need to work out. Not sure they have anything I could use anyway. "

Ali flashed a stern look towards TJ, willing her to help. Cain needed to socialize, damnit! Her friend caught the hint and jumped. "Yea, Cain, please?"

Cain's cheeks reddened deeper to a blazing rose. "Uh... s-sure I guess... let's go to the mall."

"You sure about that, Cain? You know what those two are like when they smell a sale." Brian chortled. OK maybe he was a bit of a chauvinist. But, he was a really charming chauvinist. Cain laughed a reply and his dark mood seemed to have lifted amongst the friendly banter that echoed down the streets on their way to the theater.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
Investigation 

Pete Wisdom was not a good man. He had done a lot in his life, things "that needed doing." He was honest enough with himself to know how messed-up that made him. He was sane enough to know that he was still bothered by that. It was how he knew he was still one of the good guys. People who did "what needed doing" were _not _one of the good guys. But, he still knew the difference between right and wrong. And, how relative the distinction could be. He was experienced enough to know there lay a gray area in the lives of men such as he. He lived in that gray area.

Breaking into your friend's bedroom? Bad.

Rifling through his knickers because you were afraid he was doing steroids? Good.

Gray area.

He slipped into the room, silent as a thought. No need, really, Cain and the others wouldn't be back from the cinema for another three hours. Ali and TJ wanted to go shopping. Plenty of time to do the deed. But, habits being as they were, he didn't even think about picking the lock, or moving without a sound. He walked in shadows, again without thought, and avoided directly moving passed the windows. Anyone looking in from the street wouldn't see a thing. Anyone looking from above... well, he'd have another set of problems, then wouldn't he? With or without conscious effort, he would be in and out without anyone being the wiser. Except for Tessa. Nothing got passed that woman. Not for long anyway. Pete's eyes categorized everything in the room, noticing changes, analyzing their meanings. A pile of clothes in one corner. Food packages strewn across the floor and furniture. More clothes in another corner. Costume haphazardly tossed about the room-a boot hanging from a lamp. Everything was cataloged, stored. The details you missed were the details that killed you. He needed to make sure of his team. Things were going down. Bad things. Things that needed doing; and his team was fracturing, splintering like Arthur's empire of old.

"Nothing coming from something called Excalibur can ever last," he muttered, raking his hand through his hair. But, damnit, he'd make it last as long as he bloody could!

Juggernaut's helmet dominated the far corner, behind a desk and a rubbish bin, buried beneath several musty smelling trench coats. No wonder the men smelled like a locker room. He directed his search there, first. Nothing about this room gave the air of a once feared and powerful terrorist or of a man on the road to redemption. This room, filled with disarray and filth, reeked of failure and despair. This was the room of a man hanging to hope by the barest of threads. His Dazzler and Lila Cheney CDs-many of them original releases-lay underneath the helmet. A further sign of disillusionment. A muscle in his cheek ticked. If Cain had given up that interest, one of his few real connections to humanity and normalcy, then Cain was closer to snapping than he feared.

He opened the closet next and sighed at the meager clothing the man owned: a few pairs of pants, three shirts, and a couple of coats. Of course, people with his job probably went through clothes like Oprah ran through diets. They all did; really, it went with the job description. People always joked that Wisdom slept in his clothes. And, while for the most part that was true, he did have a full closet of fresh clothes. Thing of it was, they _all_ had full closets. Even TJ who managed to be on the planet for all of a week before popping out again. Cain, for all his wealth, hadn't bought a thing for himself beyond the essentials.

Another splinter.

A trace of powder on the end table, directed him to the boot-bearing lamp. Muscle powders, protein shakes, power bars, and vitamins. Funny, he never took Cain for the health craze. The half-empty bottles seemed tossed about as though they were crudely replaced either in haste or in rage. He noticed cracks in the sides of one of the bottles from where powerful fingers had squeezed with crushing force. Rage, then. The supplements weren't working.

"Cain, tell me you've been hittin' the gym, lad." He sighed, running a hand through his hair again. He could really go for a smoke about now. Capers always made him want for a smoke. Another sigh.

Mattress, next. He cringed and stuck his hand in. You never could tell what you might find under a guy's mattress. Especially a crook's. He pulled out a few magazines-girly and fitness mostly. There were fewer fitness mags, but, he seemed to have used them more. Interesting. Was the porn just for show, or was he just not interested in that sort of thing? He reached back in, and his fingers grazed a long metal container. He sighed again as he opened the box. "I bloody need a cigarette."

It didn't add up, though. A normal needle couldn't pierce the lunk's skin, and a pill would have even less effect given the lad's size and healing factor. Cain _was_ the Juggernaut, after all; unstoppable, unkillable, and invulnerable and all that rot. So, why did Cain turn to steroids? Foolishness and desperation? Perhaps. Habit guided Wisdom to the underwear draw-crooks always hid their dirtiest secrets in the underwear drawer, it was like an unwritten rule. Maybe, it was just the symbolism they found in hiding their shame. He cringed as his hands dove beneath layers of jockstraps and compression shorts. And groaned as he withdrew a cloth wrapped around a flat and decidedly faceted shape. A red-glowing faceted shape.

"Fuck the smoke, what I need is to get bleedin' piss drunk. Why the hell couldn't you just be doing steroids, Cain?"

Which was worse? Your friend and teammate doing drugs for the strength and power to fight evil? Or, your friend and teammate selling his soul for the strength and power to fight evil? Maybe, it was wishing your friend was just doing drugs, and knowing that either way you were going to use him until it was time to put him down. Shades of gray.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Evidence

TJ loved London. She loved the air. She loved the music. She loved the buildings. She loved the accents. When Pete or Brian talked, she just wanted to melt into a pile of blue play-dough. When they spoke together, sometimes she thought she would need to go to another room. And the accents got thicker the angrier they got. She liked it when they were angry. Hiking to Cytorrak's temple had been like Heaven. Until everyone went postal and started wailing on each other. That was not fun. Where was she? Oh. Yeah. London. She liked London. The city was ageless, influenced by over two-thousand years of history and culture. Something she could relate to being a universe-hopping hero. And now she was standing with her friends in the lobby of Durham's Theater in London, waiting for the latest Harry Potter. What could be better in life?

She and Ali had spent the weekend watching the entire series in preparation, and Deathly Hollows waited a few minutes and mere meters away. "Is a children's movie _really _appropriate for us? We _are_ adults." TJ sighed in frustration; Brian was such a stick in the mud. His idea of a fun time was high tea or a black and tie event. Tessa laid a light hand on his arm and he stifled any further complaints. It wouldn't be polite to complain in front of a lady, especially one he was escorting. TJ didn't want to think about what that made her to Brian. She loved him dearly as a friend, but, really, the man could be so formal and dramatic, that he never really took time to forget what he'd lost and cherish what he still had. Tonight would be all about celebrating what they still had: each other.

"It's damned embarrassing is what it is." Cain grumbled behind her. His deep baritone voice was muffled behind a wall of popcorn tubs, soda cups, and candy boxes.

"That you've never seen Harry Potter before?" She grinned and took one of the sodas. "Or that you're out at a movie with your friends?"

"You've never seen Harry Potter?" Even Brian sounded shocked. Maybe he wasn't such a wet blanket after all.

"I'd say it's because he's carrying enough food to feed Ethiopia." Tessa smiled in thanks and withdrew a soda and tub of popcorn, both of which Brian took from her without comment.

"Half of this is yours."

"Only half?"

"Hey, I'm a big guy."

"Really, we shouldn't have got you to order for all of us. How can you see around all of that?"

"I poked a hole between these two boxes of Junior Mints." He shrugged his massive shoulders, causing the stack of food to wobble slightly. "It ain't nothin'. I've held much bigger stuff 'n this."

Ali snatched her soda. "Thanks, big guy! But, still, you've _never_ seen Harry Potter?"

"People like me don't really get a chance to get out much."

"People like you? I'm _blue_ and I manage just fine." TJ's tail snaked around a package of Red Vines as she sipped her own Coke. "What's your excuse?"

Cain shifted his shoulders, and the wall wobbled again before he got the goodies back under control. "Y'know people in my old line of work."

TJ mentally slapped her forehead. _Dufus! The point of today is to unwind _not _remind us of our mistakes_. "Well, now we're correcting that error! You'll love it!"

"Couldn't we see somethin' with action? Y'know explosions, danger, coupla car chases?"

"Big-breasted scantily clad woman and over-muscled men?" Ali rolled her eyes and munched some more popcorn from her bucket in Cain's hands. "Why would you need that when you have us?"

Actually that didn't sound too bad. The big muscley-guy part. TJ missed John Proudstar, her husband. But, she knew she'd see him again. Death had a way of not being too permanent in their line of work. Until then, she could have fun. And Cain was so much fun. He had even more muscles than John, if that were possible. And he was sweet with those eyes and that grin. Despite everything he'd done and seen, he still had the softest eyes and the widest, shyest grin. Almost like he was unsure of how to do it properly. He reminded her of something, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. And anything, anything, would be fun if she could do it with his arm wrapped around her or stare into his soft baby blues. That said, the last thing any of them needed was something that looked like a tamer version of their lives. She sighed and lost herself for a moment staring into his eyes. "Uh... well... what?"

She couldn't help but giggle at his stutter. Cain was even cuter when he was nervous or when he forgot to be all macho tough guy; it was almost like she was seeing the real Cain Marko: a big friendly giant who only wanted to be loved and didn't know how. "This is a fun day! No shop talk. Nothing that looks like shop talk. And only muggles and high wizarding whimsy! Ooh! And Quidditch!"

"Qui.. wha...?"

"It's a game they play in the movie. And, seriously? Not even on DVD?" Ali giggled as they took their seats just as the lights dimmed.

As the movie played, TJ couldn't help but look around her and gauge her friends' reactions. Ali was watching with rapt attention, devouring every word as fast as she devoured popcorn. Twice, she had asked Cain to go and get her refills. Brian and Tessa were following along, almost shamefully aware they were watching a Harry Potter movie and enjoying it. Cain, when he wasn't fetching for Ali (or herself if she were being honest), was pretending to be snoring in the back. Even though his eyes were slit the whole time, and his cup and buckets mysteriously emptied themselves. A couple of times, he jumped, his face contorting into a mask of such rage she was afraid they were under attack. But, the fits always passed, and he hardly seemed to notice them. After fifteen episodes, she stopped counting.

They followed the crowd of people out of the theater as the credits rolled. She turned to say something to Cain, but found him once again at the far end of the crowd, slowly winding his way through the throng of movie-goers. Not for the first time she marveled at his grace. _Now there is something I never thought I'd say about the Juggernaut._ He always moved with a careful deliberateness when he wasn't fighting. It made his size seem protective and almost tender instead of terrifying or intimidating. "So, what'd ya think?" Whatever grace Cain had, he lost as he stumbled and came crashing down on the floor, his head rebounding off a chair.

"Wha...? TJ? I slept the whole time." He stood, rubbing his head and wincing. Odd, those kinds of spills never used to hurt him. Usually, they broke the furniture instead. And, 'these kinds of spills' usually involved several heroes ganging up on him to pull the rug out from under him. Literally.

"I saw you watching. You looked like you got really into the movie."

"That Long-pants kid wasn't too bad. Felt kind of bad for him."

"Really? You like Neville?"

He shrugged. "He made the movie not suck as much as it shoulda, alright? Movie woulda been crap if it'd just been about that Harry kid."

"Whoa! You are _not_ dissing Harry! He's, like... he's the whole reason to watch the movie. Him and Snape."

"Snape. He was the guy with that everyone thought was bad, but was really good, right?" She nodded. "Ya... him, I liked. But that Harry kid? Putz. Everyone in the whole world wants to be him, or know him, or keep him safe. And he just whined about how unfair his life was. He's got all this power, and everyone just _hands_ him things to make him even _better_ than everyone else. He's the favorite. He's great at sports, and smart, and powerful, and rich, and he can re-" He gulped and shook his head, silently mouthing the word 'no.' "He can even talk to snakes. He's just this super-cool super-kid."

"But Neville isn't."

"Neville's got the same kinda life-parents killed by that Moldy-butt, or whatever his name is; beaten down at home."

"Harry's parents locked him in a closet! That's hardly the same thing."

"Kids are crueler." Cain's eyes grew distant, like he was watching something else. "Their dads even had the same job. But, he's not as talented as Charlie, or as popular. He sucks at sports-well organized sports, and he doesn't have Harry's confidence. But, he tries hard. And he _could_ be good-great, if people just noticed him, and helped him. But, they just make fun of him and ignore him. So ya, I like Neville. He's an underdog."

"Never woulda thought you liked the weaker kid. I woulda thought Draco would be more your thing, since he's kinda badass . Snape I get, because, he's Snape and awesome like that. But really? You hated Harry that much?"

"Draco's just as bad as Harry. Freakin' whinin' all the time about how great he is. If he were that great, he wouldn't need to pick on the weaker kids. _I_ don't even pick on the weaker kids. Besides, Harry and Draco both thought Snape was one of the bad guys, when, really, he was just doing the right thing to keep everyone safe. He was so good he even killed his dad to keep everyone safe-like the guy wanted him to. Snape was a hero."

"You've read the books, haven't you?"

He slipped again and caught himself on the wall, crushing the cup he held in his hand and dousing his head in blue liquid. "Aw, jeez..."

"Sorry, Cain." TJ giggled as he knelt on the floor picking up his scattered tubs and cups. A flash of something filled his eyes, something he quickly hid: shame followed quickly by fear. "Sorry, I didn't..." More shame. More fear.

"S'OK." He sagged in on himself. His hair dripped blue PowerAde down the front of his shirt. He looked sad and pathetic. He looked weak.

"Let's go get you cleaned up."

"I'm fine. Don't need no help." He waved her off, knocking her proffered hand away and thrust himself from the floor with a mighty heave. He stomped towards the bathroom, for once ignoring the people around as he pushed his way through. She sighed and followed him. She had hit a nerve, somehow, and needed to make it right. "You goin' in with me?"

"Maybe." Yeah, he was hurting. And, whether he wanted it or not, Cain was her friend. She did not let her friends hurt.

He sighed and stood in front of the door with blue liquid dripping down his cheeks, and a stain spreading on the white shirt that strained to cover his chest. Although, now that she was forced to really examine it, his shirt didn't seem quite so tight today as it had yesterday. "Look, I get it. It was funny. I'd have laughed too if it were someone else. You don't gotta apologize and you don't gotta help me. I can take care of myself."

"I'm just... I'm worried."

"Worried?"

"About you." He raised an eyebrow. "I've never known you to be clumsy or slip. With your... skills... you _never_ loose your footing. So, what gives?" Fear and shame filled his eyes again.

"And what? You gonna fix me?" He sneered and his eyes turned cold. For one brief moment, she saw what others saw when they looked at Cain Marko. And, she was reminded that even cuddly ballet-dancing bears had claws and teeth. "Like you fixed _you_ when you were whinin' in your bed 'cause you had a little booboo?"

"Jerk." She would _not_ cry, damnit! She would. Not. Cry.

"Heh, that's what I thought." He sneered again and stalked into the bathroom.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
Opening Statements

_OK, TJ, you can do this. _She took a deep breath and stormed into the bathroom. Hand on hip, tail flicking angrily behind her; she glared a challenge at anyone who might protest. Sure, she looked like a punk-rocker devil with her mini-skirt and spike collar; she still looked like a _devil_, so the guys in there could just piss off. Three men fled the room. One didn't even bother to finish what he'd started at the urinal. That may have been because Cain had just ripped one of the stall doors off and crumpled it into a heap, but she would like to think that it had something to do with the daggers she was glaring at the lunk. She was _that_ badass. "Look you dumb lunk! I'm your friend! We all are! And we're worried about you."

"What the Hell, TJ!" Cain jumped and hastily tried to zip himself while not wetting his pants. "I'm takin' a frickin' piss here!"

"Deal with it, 'cause I'm not done talking." She poked a finger into his chest. It hurt. A lot. He was a lot denser than most guys. "You're a jerk, you know that? You fool us with your big puppy dog eyes and goofy grin. You act all gentle and nice when you're getting your way. But, when things get bad, when you're off your game, the _real_ Cain Marko appears and you turn into this grade-A number one JERKWAD! We're your friends! We're not trying to make fun of you, or pick on you or anything like that! Something's up, we've all noticed it! Your knuckles were bleeding after that last scrap we had, Cain. _Bleeding. _Brian said that he's_ never_ seen you bleed before, Ali too. When we were testing your strength, you were barely at Piotr's strength, and we all know you can do more than that. So..."

"So, what? You think I'm gonna be useless inna next fight? You think I'm not gonna pull my weight? Don't worry, doll. I can hold my own."

"That's not it, you stupid lunk!"

"Don't. Call. Me. Stupid." She didn't recognize the man that seethed with rage before her. This was _not the_ Cain Marko she knew and trusted. This was the other Cain; the Cain that had sold his soul to a primeval entity of rage and destruction. Standing before her was the Cain that had sent every X-Man in every universe she had ever been in running for the hills. For, at the moment, she had looked into his eyes and didn't recognize the man staring back into her own. Or, he didn't recognize _her_. He wasn't Cain Marko, he was the Juggernaut. He wanted to hit her, to crush her body to a pulp, and make her hurt as much as...

Realization dawned. He wanted to make her hurt as much as he hurt. Did he have such a horrible opinion of himself that he thought any act of concern was out of pity? Did he really think that what people said, they meant? "Then stop acting like it." And, her mouth would _not _shut up.

His fist slammed into the wall above her head. "I'm tryin' real hard, here, Teej." He didn't speak; he growled, as he lowered his head to mere inches away from hers. "On account I like you, and I don't wanna do nothin' we're gonna regret."

She would not look up. She would not look up at the ginormous arm embedded to the elbow in the wall three inches above her head. She might scream if she did. "What? Like hit me?" Damn, she had balls. Big, furry, blue balls of adamantium.

"What? No! I wouldn't... I never..." The fear and shame where back in his eyes. His moods shifted faster than Morph's forms. "God! Is that what you think?" He pulled his arm away, and water shot from the hole, drenching them both. Great.

"Then what the Hell, Cain. What are you trying to do?"

"I'm tryin' to be a good guy!" The room shook with the force of his roar.

"What?"

"The hero thing. Me. The hero. I'm tryin' ta make Sammy proud and do the right thing. And, it's hard. It's really fuckin' hard." His arms shook at his sides, and, with a sigh he slid against the wall to sit opposite her. "It's so hard to do the right thing. I get so mad... you don't know... it's there. It's always there."

"What is?"

"Cytorrak. The anger. He puts it there. The stuff that most people wouldn't even think about, he makes me think about." Cain scrubbed as his face, smearing his cheeks with blood. He didn't seem to notice or care. "I ain't stupid. I know part of the problem is me. I got problems of my own. You know that thought you have when someone's yellin' at you an' you think, just for a minute, about slappin' 'em?" She nodded. She didn't like that she nodded, she hated that part of herself, but that voice was there. "Most people ignore that thought, or forget about it or whatever. They _don't _hit the guy, most people don't even realize that thought's there. Me, I have that thought first. Like I said, I got issues. I _like_ hitting people, an' being mean, an' stronger than anyone. It's easier then waitin' and lettin' that scrawny guy in line sing-badly-and ruin a good song, an' waste all the time so that when I get to the counter the gal's gone, and I don't have my driver's license." He shook his head in shame. "I keep thinkin' about it. I can't _not_ think about that kind of stuff. And, when I'm not, he pushes it all up to the front of my head. The thoughts are mine, though. That's the fucked up thing. Those are my thoughts he makes me focus on. But Cytorrak… Cytorrak just makes it all _worse_, feeding my rage. Even when I'm happy… I'm still… I still wanna just kill and break stuff and… be…" He pointed to the hole above her head.

"Oh."

"And now..." He held up his hand, shredded from the impact with the wall. "Look at this. I'm useless. I'm just a big bully that ain't even good at bein' a bully anymore. I'm useless."

TJ scrabbled forward, and wrapped both hands around his massive fist. Her fingers barely touched each other. "You're not useless to me." She winced, though. The cuts were deep.

"Right, I'm just the big guy with anger management issues who isn't as strong as Brian, or as tough. I'm not as fast as you or Ali. I don't got energy beams or brain powers." He leaned back with a heavy sigh. His head made a dull thump against wall. "What am I good for?"

"Well... I thought you made a good friend. Until you started being a jerkwad." She smiled warmly.

"Heh. Thanks. Not what I meant."

"I know, but it's still true." TJ shrugged and plopped down next to him. "Look, does it really matter? We'll figure something out. You know Tessa will." For what seemed the first time in a long while, hope glimmered in his eyes. She understood his feelings. After her stroke, she felt so powerless and helpless she couldn't think past her own fear and pain to see what she still had: friends. Tessa had been there to help her see that. She'd be there for Cain.

"Yeah, I guess. Sorry for the... Y'know, before."

"Forget about it. I went through a 'bitch phase' when John died. And, I wasn't exactly all sugar and sweetness when I had my stroke. I get it. C'mon let's go."

Cain grinned and slowly rose off the floor. "Sure thing." He winced at the disgusting squelch that filled the room as he adjusted his sodden clothes. "Dude, we need new clothes. Sorry about that."

"Good thing we're gong to the mall." As they passed through the lobby, she winked at Brian who was bemusedly writing down the address to file damage claims against Excalibur. While Tessa was explaining to a rather irate manager that yes, they would pay for the damages in the bathroom; no, there hadn't been any superhuman attack today; and yes, they understood the concern the establishment had for the safety of their patrons. "I think the British Government just paid for a new theater." TJ wrapped her arms around Cain's massive limb and snuggled against it fondly. "Don't worry, everything will be ok. Now, let's go to the mall. I think Harrod's is around here somewhere."

"Harod's!" Cain stopped dead in his tracks outside the theater. "I... I... Aw jeez. Can't we go some place else? Selfridges! We can go there! Yeah! Oxford Street's not that far away."

"What's wrong with Harrod's, Cain?" Like always, Tessa's arm was twined around Brian's. "It's just a store."

"I kinda ... well... me an' Tom... kinda..."

"Tried to rob the place?" Cain nodded. "Didn't go too well?" Another nod. "Kicked you out?"

"Sorry, Brian, but I can't go in there. They hired a powered security service to guard the place twenty-four-seven. Just to keep me an' Tom out." Cain grinned self-importantly. He did enjoy talking about his past exploits. He treated some of his capers as though they were just joyrides. Perhaps compared to the other things he and his former partner did, they were. "We're also banned for life. I'll violate my parole if I go in there."

"Well, you're sopping wet... what did the two of you _do_ in there?"

Cain winced and his shoulders slumped. "We… uh… that is…"

_Yeah, this is going well_. "Cain and I had a talk, and a pipe burst. Selfridge is on the other side of London, why don't Cain and I just go home; we'll meet you later for dinner. Maybe we can drag Wisdom along with us. He certainly could use a break from being James Bond all day."

"That sounds like a gr..." Ali's eyes sparkled.

"While, I think that some time away from work would do well for our comrade," Ali glared at Tessa and TJ couldn't help a few catty thoughts. Really, what was the singer's problem? She toyed with Cain, when it was _obvious _how he felt about her, and her eyes lit up every time Wisdom came into the room. Did she _have_ to be the center of attention for every guy in the world? Or, just the ones that other people wanted, too? Tessa, however, was unperturbed by Ali's veiled animosity. "Wisdom seems to enjoy his work, and I don't think he would relish being interrupted.

"But..."

"The number of bottles of Southern Comfort I saw him holding indicated he wishes to be alone."

"That's not good... He needs help if he's drinking that much." Brian stopped, concern written on his face. TJ didn't know the whole story about his past; she preferred not to know those things. What mattered was who you were at the moment. You should live in the Now, because each moment of life given to you was a gift, a miracle. She had learned that the hard way with her time in the Exiles. However, Brian had made it no secret that he had had difficulties with alcohol before. And, he was naturally protective of his partners and friends. "We should go and..."

"One bottle, Brian. I saw one bottle." Tessa smiled. Was she lying? TJ couldn't tell. She wouldn't lie about something like that, though. Maybe. "One bottle means he wants to be alone. Two means he wants company, not conversation. Three means he wants to talk and doesn't realize it. Anything more than that and it's time for a group intervention. Trust me, I've... Trust me." She's what? Now, TJ was more curious than ever.

"That's true. Pryde mentioned something like that back in the old days, same with Moira." Brian sighed. "Very well, then. Shall we to Selfridge's?" He offered his arm again to Tessa.

The old days. If TJ had any regrets about the life she led, and if she were being honest she had a few musings, one would definitely be that she wasn't around to be part of the original Excalibur team. Not just to see her daddy in action, but their adventures, the happiness, their camaraderie. They had a special something that his new incarnation of the team hadn't yet achieved. Maybe it was the nature of how the teams had formed, one brought together by common cause and happenstance, each member needing to prove something to both themselves and the world. The other team, the newer team, hand-picked from those present; sort of like saying "you'll do" and handing over a ring of phenomenal power to a relatively undeserving nobody. The old team looked out for each other; they switched places with each other in the time stream, or went on worlds-hopping treks through the omniverse in search of lost companions. They... she did a quick count of her friends. "Where's Cain?"


End file.
